Remember a few months ago when I talked about a quote that changed my life? In all the hustle and bustle in beginning a new year, stress at work, stress at home, etc., I recently discovered that I tossed that quote into the back of my mind/completely forgot about it. It was a gradual forgetting process, and once I noticed that I’d been a bit grumpier than usual or I complained more than usual or something like that, it hit me. Why is staying positive so hard? I don’t think it has to be.
A few weeks ago, I conquered the question of why self-love is so hard, and today I want to discuss happiness in the same way.
It’s really easy for me to set lofty goals, feel disappointed that I didn’t reach them, and then just stop trying all together. And then I hate myself every time I get to that place of despair, and yet the cycle repeats again and I’m back. I was so excited about breaking this cycle when I wrote that post, and somehow I lost that excitement. So I’m back (again) and ready to change that (again)! And I’ll keep reminding myself of this as much and as often as I need to.
Yesterday I sat down and made a list with two columns: what makes me happy and what makes me unhappy. I’m a visual person, and I love lists, so this was perfect. I wrote down some obvious things, like reading makes me happy and vacuuming makes me unhappy. Hey, I can’t help it. I do it, but I hate it. Every. Single. Time. I like having a clean house; I just don’t like all the steps it takes to get there sometimes. C’est la vie.
One thing I noticed when writing the list was that I often had the same thing written in both columns: doing laundry, blogging, working out, being busy, the future, responsibility, etc. The more I was writing, the more it hit me: it really is all about perspective. And like I mentioned before, even though that seems like a super obvious idea, sometimes it doesn’t seem that way until you really sit down and reflect on your life and your choices.
I know that I like funny ladies, playing with makeup, helping others and being assertive. So why don’t I embrace those things more?
I know that I don’t like complaining, emotional eating, feeling overwhelmed and chaos. So why do I get caught up in those things so much?
Because I choose to.
I feel like I have to do certain things or have to act a certain way, even if I don’t want to. And sometimes, that’s certainly true. But I don’t have to get mad and start yelling at bad drivers in traffic. And I don’t have to hold back if I want to speak up at a meeting. Those are all choices, and I need to accept how I’m choosing to act in any given situation. Hindsight is 20/20, and I’m tired of wishing I had or hadn’t done something after the fact.
I want great things to happen in my life, and it’s time that I step up, don’t shy away from certain responsibilities, really work on becoming an “adult” and still be true to myself. I still want to be goofy and crazy and snarky and sarcastic, but I also want to be more dependable, responsible, hardworking and focused.
I need to choose to stop being so afraid of what might happen if I fail, if I say no, if I say yes. I need to choose to try and do more.
It’s time for me to finally (and consistently) choose happiness. Will you, too?