I feel like it sounds weird to say that I need to be okay with being alone since I’m married now, but it’s true.
And I know I just published a post talking about being lonely, so clearly this topic has been on my mind a lot lately.
I always want to do things with other people. I don’t want to be alone and lonely. If I see an event that sounds cool, I only want to go if I know someone else I know is also going. I always want to see if someone else also thinks something I’m thinking or doing is cool for that outside validation.
But I also don’t want to need that outside validation anymore. I’m working on being okay with being alone. I don’t need to be surrounded by other people all the time.
Lonely and alone don’t mean the same thing. I can’t define myself by other people anymore. I just can’t. I can’t go through life as truly myself if I’m not comfortable doing things by myself.
So I’m going to keep putting myself out there more. I’ve been doing it a bit but I know I could be doing it more, so I will be from now on.
If I see an event that sounds cool, I’m not going to see who else might be going before I decide to go. If I think an idea is interesting, I’m not going to see who else is talking about it before sharing my version of it.
I’m purposely going to make myself be alone a lot, and I’m going to talk about what that’s like. Right now it makes me really uncomfortable, but I know this is what needs to happen next for me. I’ve been too complacent and going with the flow and unhappy, so something needs to change. This is that something.
This isn’t to say I’m not still going to hang out with other people; I definitely will still do that. I’m just not going to do something if someone else won’t go with me (ugh, grammar). I’m going to make myself do things by myself to prove that I can.
I’m going to be 30 next year, and I need to start taking more risks in my life. Right now, one of those risks is being alone more. It scares and excites me, so I’m going to do it even though I feel like people will judge me because it might seem little and silly to them.