I’ve written about this kind of thing before, but so what?
I believe I was not made to be subtle. It’s taken years and several lessons for me to finally realize that.
Most/all of my life, I’ve told myself that people wouldn’t care what I thought or said because I was bullied so much (by others and myself) when I was younger. Internally, I was still stuck in that mindset and didn’t even realize it.
I’ve grown and changed so much over the years, especially in this last year. I’ve read a lot of books, done a lot of journaling and meditating, met some new people, was laid off from a job, found a new job, got married, cuddled our dog a lot, discovered some great podcasts and so much more.
I was doing the work on my journey of self-discovery, but I wasn’t quite making it to the finish line. Until today.
I’ve been feeling lost with different aspects of my life since being laid off last year, and my blog took a backseat for a while. Honestly, I feel like I wasn’t allowing myself to feel inspired. I told myself no one would want to hear anything from me because I felt like such a failure.
As I’m typing this, Lost In My Mind by Head And The Heart started playing on Spotify:
Lost in my mind
Oh I get lost in my mind
Um, 100% yes. I believe in signs from the Universe, and that was definitely one of them for me. I get caught up in my head so damn much, and I’m finally realizing how much I’ve been blocking my own success and happiness for so long.
Anyway, I thought I’d done “all the right things” for my self-discovery as mentioned above. Part of me always knew something was missing, but I didn’t press myself on figuring out what that was. I reasoned that what I’ve done so far was good enough so I can just move on to something else now.
I’m so sick of holding myself back! Does anybody else go through something similar as well?
I think I have much more to say than I give myself credit for because internally I’m still a sad, scared young girl who feels alone in the world.
But that’s not who I am anymore.
I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes, slowly but surely, shedding what doesn’t serve me anymore.
It’s been a learning process, and I’m sure it’ll continue to be that way. I feel confident, then I stumble and fall and have a hard time getting up. But now I’m trying to be more mindful of that and where I am in life.
I will definitely keep stumbling and falling. Probably pretty often.
But honestly, wouldn’t life be so damn boring if that wasn’t the case?
I wasn’t made to be subtle. I was meant to live out loud and not be afraid to be seen.
Well, world, here I am. Look at me now, and know I’m nowhere close to being done with you.