Now is not the perfect time for me to be blogging.
My life is a mess. I keep waiting for more things to be settled before I start writing and sharing my voice again. But I’m learning that that’s not how life works.
So here I am, in the process of cleaning and decluttering a house before we can move more of our boxes and furniture into it instead of in the garage.
We just checked out of our apartment that we lived in for four years, where Josh proposed to me, where we made a cozy home, where I lived when I was let go from two jobs and so much more.
On that note, I’m still in the process of looking for a new full-time job. My life is honestly a mess right now. But I am here.
I’ve also learned that I’m still not fully over getting let go for the second time. When I was let go from my job before this one, it was in an impersonal group setting. The opposite was the case this last time. I was called into an office by myself and told I was being let go. I didn’t realize until recently how much it had hurt me and was still hurting me because I hadn’t fully processed it.
Adulthood, man. There’s always something (or several things) going on and you have to just keep on keeping on.
I’ve noticed that I’ve put my personal development and spiritual journey on hold during this crazy period of transition in my life, and the toll is finally starting to get to me. There are so many stressors coming at me from all different directions, but still I persevere.
Some days I’m much more motivated and active than others, but I’m still here. Other days I just watch YouTube videos or episodes of “Catfish” on Hulu instead of other more productive things, but I’m still here.
I guess I’m here to say that even if your life isn’t perfect and you have a million things going on and you’re just fed up and not sure what to do or where to go from here, just keep trying. It can be hard and overwhelming as fuck, but know that you have gotten through all of the tough times you’ve encountered so far.
You may be bruised and hurt and slower than you used to be, but you’re still here.
We’re all just out here trying, guys. That’s all any of us can do, even if some people keep up a facade on Instagram or other social media. Can’t we all just agree that no one knows what they’re doing?
I have no idea what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, or even the rest of this month or even the rest of today, honestly. But I’m realizing that I can choose to see that as debilitating or exciting.
Today I’m choosing exciting. I do not have all or any of my shit together, but I’m still here and I’m trying. I hope you do, too.