Work and life have been crazy lately. For months, really. So I figured it was time for a life update.
As always, a lot is happening all of the time, and I haven’t been dealing with it all super well.
My husband’s aunt was in and out of the hospital for a few weeks before we found out she had terminal blood cancer, which I didn’t even know was a thing. I used some PTO and made up some of my hours at work, but there’s still more for me to handle and work on.
I’ve cried so much lately that I’ve stopped wearing makeup (that, plus it’s been ridiculously cold and it’s just not worth the effort). Seriously, our weather has been ridiculously cold. Today the high is -18 before windchill. Last night, the temp with wind chill got close to -60.
I had a breakdown at work last week. We’ve been slacking on laundry, dishes, chores and eating healthy. We’ve been in the middle of a slump lately, and I haven’t felt like doing much when I get home from work.
I haven’t been reading lately (which is huge for me). I haven’t been journaling. I haven’t been eating on a regular schedule. But I’m working on getting back on track.
I really enjoy writing, so I’m going to start doing that again. I really enjoy connecting with others, so I’m going to keep doing that (and attending events like CreativeMornings again).
I value my words and my voice, and it’s okay if not everything is all peachy keen all the time. Life has been especially chaotic lately, but now is the time when I rise. I’ve had a pretty rough go of things lately, but I’m still here.
I’m breathing, and I’m grateful for the strong, wonderful people in my life, including myself. As a first-born child of divorce, I feel like I have to always be the mediator and not even worry about my needs or feelings. Pushing things down to help others is super healthy, right? Wrong.
It’s really hard for me to figure out what I want to do with my time and then learn how to be okay with that.
Two nights ago, my sister came over and we ended up watching several episodes of “Schitt’s Creek.” It was nice just to hang out without any pressure. I’m learning or relearning just how much pressure I put on myself, and uff da.
I can’t keep going on like this. I just can’t. So I’m adjusting my journey accordingly.
Sometimes I want to read for hours. Sometimes I want to watch astrology and tarot readings on YouTube (shout-out to the other Cancers out there!). Sometimes I want to dance or do yoga. Sometimes I just want to lie down. All are valid ways to spend time.
Not everything we do has to be technically productive. Recharging your heart and soul are productive, but it doesn’t always feel that way. But please, please do that.
Find whatever makes your soul happy, and take the time to make it happen as often as possible. Then no matter what is happening in your life, you have something you know will help you feel grounded.
Writing and connecting help me feel grounded, so here I am. I’m not perfect, I’m not 100% on the mend and I definitely don’t have it all figured out yet, but I’m here.
And that definitely counts for something.