Stop Should-ing On Yourself
Hello everyone! I recently found an interesting article from I Am That Girl called Stop Should-ing On Yourself, and I really wanted to share it with you guys. It talks about how women often rationalize things they do by cutting down themselves in the process. See excerpt below:
“Every day we act, feel, and do things that feel right for us then question them because these things go against the course of what others feel and think. We love a certain type of music, yet if it is not the most popular kind we immediately start off with “I know it’s stupid, but I just love this band.” Our favorite past time is sitting outside reading a good book instead of partying all night so we immediately start our sentence with “I know I am a dork and it is so weird, but I actually love just reading and being outdoors.”
When I read that, I was surprised by how much I resonated with it. I do this all the time, and most of the time I don’t think I’m even aware of it. This is especially relevant for me when it comes to beauty and makeup: “I know it’s kind of weird, but I really like to wear bright colors on my eyes.” “I know I shouldn’t, but I like to wear black eyeliner and bright lip colors at work.” “I know some people think I should blog or be passionate about something more serious like the news or politics, but I really like talking about beauty and makeup.” The list goes on. It’s just like saying “I know I shouldn’t do this one thing because other people don’t like it, but I do it anyway and now I feel negative or sad (or both) about it.” Crazy, right?
I know some people only like neutral makeup at work, and I do as well, but sometimes I want to try a little some different. And while I do also like the news and follow other serious subjects, I think beauty and makeup can be really empowering and fun, and for me, that’s enough to make me happy.
We need to stop trying to put big (or event false) expectations on ourselves. This is really just a lesson we (should) learn at a very young age: just because someone else is (or isn’t) doing something doesn’t mean we have to copy them. We’re all allowed to feel what we want to feel and do what we want to do without being persecuted from others. People will always have their own opinions about things, and that’s fine, but we shouldn’t let other people’s thoughts affect us like that (there I go again with that word).
“Should” may be a hard word to ban from our vocabulary, but I think it can be done. Instead of worrying about what we should or shouldn’t be doing, we can just do what we want, think what we want, say what we want (within reason without harming someone, of course).I think once we start thinking about the idea of not using this word, we’ll realize just how often we use it. Even as I type this post, I’m having a surprising amount of trouble not using the word “should.”
I don’t mean to tell you what to do with your lives. I just found this article and thought it was interesting. I agree with the main points, so I wanted to share my thoughts. I know I’m guilty of using that word probably far too much, so I’m going to try to stop using it now. I think I’m secretly cutting myself down a bit or shaming myself for liking (or not liking) certain things, like mentioned above, and that’s ridiculous. It’s okay that I like wearing purple lip colors and using makeup remover wipes even though I know they don’t clean my face as well as a straight up cleanser would and so on. I don’t need you to tell me all of that. Just because someone else says I shouldn’t do those things doesn’t mean I have to stop.
It’s hard enough in this world for people to find self-acceptance and practice self-love. We don’t need to make it harder by imposing our views on others and what they do with their lives (or even on ourselves and what we do with our lives). I’m not saying this will cure our self-confidence problems or anything like that, but I think it will help. We deserve that much, and we should be happy (oops, that darn word again) with who we are and what we do.
At the bottom of the article, they list this pledge that I hope you’ll consider signing:
I am perfectly flawed and sublimely beautyFULL. I am a constant work in progress. I recognize that what I admire in others also exists within myself. As a member of this community, I promise to collaborate instead of compete and remind other girls of their worth when they’ve forgotten. I’m on a mission to turn self-doubt in to self-love, to use my voice, to share my truth, to love others, and to leave this world better than I found it.