I’m finally ready to talk about who I really am: no gimmicks, no games, no expectations, no judgments. Just me, living my life and figuring out who I am on the way.
I’ve had some version of this post in the works since last summer. I didn’t always know what was going to come of it, but I kept saving it in my Drafts folder on WordPress and in the Notes app on my phone.
Some of these things may be common knowledge. Others may be shocking or disheartening or strange. But all of them are me. This isn’t everything about my life, but it’s a start.
So, here’s who I really am, in no particular order:
I’ve been unemployed from a full-time job for nearly a year. I’ve been the owner of my own business for just over a month now, and I already have several clients who have all given me really positive reviews!
I love and laugh deeply, and I get overwhelmed easily. I burn my tongue every time I eat pizza rolls because I never wait long enough for them to cool off.
I don’t consistently wash my face or brush my teeth every day. I keep forgetting to change the oil on my car even though it’s a little bit overdue.
I’m a lover of bright eyeshadow who’s obsessed with quoting random parts of movies and TV shows. I’m an intuitive, empathic witch. I’m a devourer of books and an eternal 90s kid at heart.
I burp a lot and hiccup in very high and loud decibels. I own pajama pants with dogs wearing Santa hats on them. I own way too many candles and coffee mugs. I own more than 60 Funko Pop vinyl figures/
I’ve been in two car accidents in my life, and the car I was driving got totaled both times.
I once threw up in the entryway of a gas station. I threw up three times the night of my bachelorette part, but not from alcohol or debauchery. Stomachaches for the win!
I’ve never broken any bones, but I did crack my head open on the corner of two walls in our old kitchen on Jan. 1, 2001. I once had ingrown nails on the big toes of both of my feet at once. It was hella unpleasant.
I’ve read since a very young age. I remember reading books to my class in kindergarten, and in second grade I would always ask my teacher for extra homework on the side for no credit. I just really, genuinely liked reading and doing homework.
Back in middle school and high school, I was obsessed with a guy who never actually said he liked me. He once said I was in his top five, and I was over the moon and so excited to tell my friends and mom. That breaks my heart to type it, but that was my truth so I’m sharing it.
My “friends” in middle school teased me in front of me all the time, and I never stood up for myself because I didn’t think anyone else would like me enough to be my friend.
I used to cry all the time when watching romantic comedies or reading romantic books because I was terrified that no one would ever like or want me like that. I was always seen as the “designated ugly fat friend,” and I used to think that was all I would ever be.
College was super fucking hard, but I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone because they wouldn’t believe me since I did so well in school until then. I failed a pre-calc class and had to retake it, and I felt so ashamed for many years.
I didn’t drink before I turned 21 because my dad was an alcoholic and it scared me.
I’ve been sexually harassed before, but I never told anyone because I figured that since I wasn’t some hot, beautiful girl that it didn’t really count.
I’ve been to counseling several times in my life: after my parents got divorced when I was 11, when I was trying to deal with my bad relationship with my dad in college, when I was overcome with horribly negative body image after college and when I was processing grief a few years after both of my grandpas passed away.
I’m so talkative, but I’m always worry that other people don’t care what I have to say. I talk too much, I feel too much, I am too much. But that’s who I am.
I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 20, and now we’re married. I felt a lot of shame for only having one serious relationship, but I don’t care anymore. We both lucked out when we found each other, and we’ve both worked really damn hard to be where we are today as a married couple.
I met my husband on OkCupid. For one of our anniversaries, he contacted their customer service department, found our first conversation, printed it off and framed it. We have it displayed in our living room now.
I rapped to Eminem’s Lose Yourself at our wedding reception. My friend also rapped to Vanilla Ice, and my sister rapped to Nicki Minaj.
All of these things have defined me at one time or another, but they don’t all define me now. So many other things are going to happen to me, and some of these things may not seem relevant anymore, but they’re all part of my story so I included them.
So who are you? What’s your story?