It’s really hard for me to admit that blogging and writing on this blog has been stressing me out. But it’s the fucking truth so here we are.
I love writing with every fiber of my soul and being, but because of that I also put a lot of pressure on myself to make it perfect.
Here are all the reasons I’ve been struggling with my blog lately:
— I wish I had a different blog theme, but I can’t afford to pay someone to make a new one for me right now and I don’t know enough about WordPress to make one myself.
— I don’t like my newsletter, so I want to revamp it, but I have no idea what I want it to look like instead.
— I want everything to be more cohesive and beautiful and Instagram-worthy, but that also doesn’t feel authentic to me right now, so I’m battling with those two different sides of my brain.
— Competition has been running rampant with my ego and brain lately. “Everyone else” seems to be doing this better with knowing who their target audience is and curating their Instagram feed and stories and other things like that. Deep down I know that no one really knows what they’re doing, but it’s been hard for me to remember that lately. I get caught up in the competition and then get let down when I feel like I can’t truly compete with other people.
So that about sums it up. I know I’ve been making this all more complicated than it needs to be. I know that whoever needs to read/hear the messages I’m putting out here will find and receive them however they are, that it’s not dependent on how great and cohesive my Instagram is or anything like that. I know that. But it’s easier to forget that sometimes.
I also struggle with not knowing when to post or how often to post. I like to write when inspiration strikes so I make sure all my posts are genuine and not just up so I can hit a quota or something, but how much is too much? Or too little?
In the past, I’ve been good about blogging consistently, like a few times a week, but then I go through bouts of feeling down and uninspired and then I don’t post for a few months or so, and then the cycle repeats. I want to finally break that cycle, damn it!
So I don’t know how often I’ll be posting on here in a consistent manner, but I do know that I want to be here. No matter what happens in my life, I keep feeling drawn back to this space and all the potential I feel it has, even if I don’t always see that in the moment.
I don’t know when my theme will change or when my newsletter will change (although I did pause it for now, so sign up to see what’s new soon!) or when my thoughts on all of this might change again.
I’m working on being more mindful, honest and transparent with myself, so I knew I wanted to convey those same traits here on the blog that I love but still struggle with.
I’m not going anywhere. I believe I keep getting drawn back to this blog and this space for a reason.
This is another rambling post that my ego hates, but I feel it’s important so I’m telling my ego to shut it.
It’s okay to love something but also have it stress you out sometimes. The stress was just getting to be too much for me, so I decided it was time to do something about it.
So yes, currently I am still stressed out from this blog. But I’m working on making it easier for myself by taking some of the pressure away. I know this space will never be perfect, and that’s okay.