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I used to say I was a really quiet, shy girl who never wanted to rock the boat and who always wanted to keep the peace among people.
I was just a homebody, a typical Cancer who likes to stay in my shell at home.
I realized I was craving connections but never put myself out there or tried because “that wasn’t who I was.”
The cycle repeated for years, even as I felt the call to do and be more. I silenced it to stay complacent because that was the safer and more comfortable option.
I never liked to mix things up or rock the boat in my own life, so I was stifling myself, my voice and my creativity.
I didn’t realize it for a very long time, but it’s true. I blamed my surroundings and other experiences for why I was unhappy and lonely but never thought to point the finger at myself.
Once I finally, truly, really realized that I was the one holding myself back, everything changed. Not all at once, as many movies make it seek.
I still battle with this about myself weekly, or even daily at times. But now I recognize that behavior and am willing to do something about it and make some changes.
Now I’ve realized, frankly, what an awesome, badass witch bitch I am. I’m unstoppable, creative, confident, funny, goofy and more.
That doesn’t mean I still don’t get insecure or sad or lonely or angry sometimes. That’s just downright unrealistic to think you’ll never feel those things, regardless of where you are in life.
But it’s about realizing that you experience those feelings and emotions but you are not them. You feel them, process them and move on.
If you notice yourself constantly feeling sad or lonely or something else low vibe, ask yourself why. Ask yourself the tough questions. It can be scary as fuck, but you have to do it.
We play a bigger part in our own stories than we realize most of the time. So now I’m more conscious of the way I talk to myself and what I say. I’m not 100% confident every day, and I think that’d be an unrealistic goal for anyone.
But I’ve spent more time getting to know who I really am versus what I keep telling myself I am. And believe me, there was a huge difference.
Think about how you talk to yourself and whatever story you keep repeating. Even if it was true in the past, is it still true now? Face yourself, once and for all, and start to make peace with yourself. Meet yourself where you are in your life right now.
Journaling has been a huge part of my journey, and maybe it’ll work for you, too. Maybe you have a different way you like to express yourself. Figure out the best way to make that happen, and keep at it.
We can all rewrite our stories as many times as we want in life. Don’t be afraid of that or the changes you have and will go through.
This is when life really starts to get multidimensional and amazing.
So who are you, really?